An Open Letter to my Kids

You are my most valuable possessions and bring light to even the darkest of days. You hold the future in your hands my sweet little ones and you don't even know it. With a little nurturing and a whole lotta love I know you will all blossom into unique and caring global citizens.

I promise I will do my best to show you how to lead with confidence and grace. To find the beauty in the pain. To ask for help when you need it. To raise each other up instead of bringing others down because we don't get further ahead by holding others back. I promise to celebrate with you when you're at your best and remind you of how loved you are when you're at your worst. I promise to guide you through life but not tell you how to live because you need to discover your own way. I promise that I will always be with you because a part of my spirit is alive in you. I might not always be able to be right beside you but whenever you feel the soft breeze on your cheek, know that I'm there. Or when you bask in the glowing sun, that's my love wrapping you up in warmth. My love for you is stronger than any distance that might keep us apart.

May you always find the joy and magic in every day you're blessed with. I hope you never stop dreaming that the impossible is full of possibilities. I hope the fire that burns inside you only grows bigger and drives you to unimaginable heights. Never let your insecurities stop you from doing the things you love and always fight for the things you believe in. Follow your passions and be brave. Take risks. Create your own opportunities. Find your voice and let it be a beacon of hope for all who will listen. You are pure goodness that the world needs more of, now more than ever. You inspire me to be a better version of myself while challenging me in ways I could have never imagined.

I’m sorry that sometimes I lose my shit. I’m sorry I yell. I’m sorry I don’t always want to sing the same song for the 100th time even though I know there will be a day soon enough you won’t want me to sing with you at all. I’m sorry you can’t have ice cream for breakfast every day and I force you to eat your greens at dinner. You see the truth is, I’m just doing my best. I wasn’t given a manual on how to raise you, I’m not perfect and I’m honestly just learning as we all go along. I’m sorry the rules are different for each of you, I’d love to make everything equal and exact but it simply isn’t attainable. You’re all so different and need different things at different times so it can’t all be the same. I will have different relationships with each of you and that’s okay. One is not better than the other, but they are all beautiful in their own way.

I love you, all of you. You are my world but my not my whole life. I won’t apologize for work pulling attention from you sometimes. I won’t apologize for calling a babysitter so your Dad and I can go out just the two of us. I won’t apologize for hanging out with my friends the few times I get to without you around or taking a weekend away to focus on just me. These things all need to happen. I know you miss me, and trust me when I say I miss you too. But in order for me to be the best Mom to you, I need to be the best version of me which means I can’t allow myself to fully drown in motherhood. My mental health is a top priority, one that I refuse to apologize for. If I want you to take mental health seriously, you need to see that I take it seriously. You might not understand it now, but you will. You are learning by watching me. So therefore, I must practice what I preach.

photo: Rheanon Neale Photography

I want you to always know how beautiful you are. Be unapologetic about the strength your body has. It might not be able to do all the same things others can do, but don’t worry about that. Focus on what your body does for you. Spend less time counting calories and more time making memories. Eat until you are full. Exercise because it rejuvenates your soul not because you ate a cookie. Wear what makes you comfortable. You are not asking for anything by dressing in what you want- it’s your right to express yourself through fashion. I might not always like what you do with your body, but at the end of the day it’s your body, your choice. I will educate you to the best of my ability but after that it’s up to you. Be smart. Be safe.

Life is full of twist and turns my dears. Sometimes things are going to go exactly as your imagined but more times than not, it’s going to take you down a road you never expected. Be open to new experiences. Trust in the process. But most of all, never give up hope. You aren’t given more than you can handle. It might seem at times that you are at the lowest of lows and that there are no ways out but, trust me when I say, there is always a light at the end of even the darkest tunnel. If you need helping finding it, come to me. You can always come to me. There is no problem we can’t tackle together. I won’t judge you. I will simply just be here for whatever you need. If you ask advice, I will give it to you. If you want my opinion, I’ll say it. Otherwise, I’ll do my best to keep my mouth shut (which is extremely difficult for me btw).

At the end of the day, we are figuring this all out together. I’m learning to be a Mom and every day you teach me new things. You are learning to be independent and blossom into who you are meant to be. We will continue to get through life together, one day at a time. We share. We always apologize. We are kind to one another. We help those in need. We make mistakes. We are messy. We are beautiful. We are family.

I love you forever.

-Mom
xoxo