Creating my Brand & Finding my Voice

Well to say it’s been a long road to get where I am today, would be a huge understatement. But nevertheless here I am! I have been dreaming of owning a business for as long as I can remember and since I was in the 10th Grade, I knew I wanted a career in a creative industry. If only the girl in the back row of her desktop publishing class, with a killer side bang and clearly too much black eye make-up could see me now. If you would have told that girl that in a mere 13 years she’d be living in the middle of nowhere, married to the boy she met her first week in college, have 4 kids under the age of 4, 2 dogs, drive a sweet mini van and be running her own freelance design business, I can pretty much guarantee she would have laughed in your face said something along the lines of “you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Oh and we can’t forget about the major eye roll that would have followed.

You see back then, I had big plans. Plans to leave the small town way of living far behind me and live in a big city working for a huge web company. The idea of getting married, settling down and having kids was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Even having a dog would be too much of a commitment, how would I be able to have a dog and travel the world?! And to be driving the same model of mini van that my parents drove before the age of 30 would have seemed like a nightmare come true.

Oh how things changed!

Truthfully, I love how my life has turned out and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

That’s not to say it’s been easy. The road that led me here has been filled with twists and turns, ups and downs and a few hail storms amidst the sunny skies. I will delve into that in a future blog post, but for now, I want to talk about my business and why I’m finally launching my website and unveiling my new brand.

In 2018, after I had my son I found myself drowning in motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and being a mom has been the single greatest gift. However, that doesn’t mean I want my entire life to revolve around diaper changes, nursing for hours on end, the never ending task of laundry, bedtime stories and the nightly fight of brushing teeth. I started to feel like I was losing myself. I was living the same day on repeat except everyone else around me was growing and moving forward and I felt… well stuck. Stuck in the same place, doing the same thing and I desperately needed a change.

So I took a weekend away from my family, did some soul searching and came back refreshed and ready to make some changes. The first thing, was that I needed to stop nursing my son and switch to bottles. The experience wasn’t enjoyable for either of us and I was forcing myself to do it because mom guilt (more on that in another upcoming post as well). The second thing was I needed to start doing something just for me and so my freelancing journey begun.

I guess technically my journey started in 2011 after I graduated from Web Design at Assiniboine College. Back then though, there weren’t a lot of graphic/web design jobs available in the community. I managed to find a few freelancing jobs around through contacts I had made in other Provinces, but it wasn’t enough to pay the bills. Then, on my first Maternity leave I worked with my Mother-in-law to create a logo for her new business: Land Haus Antiques. That was when my passion for creativity was reignited! I created her logo, business cards, website, social media profiles, along with various marketing materials for her. It was so much fun! But once that project ended, I didn’t have much to do and honestly just lacked the confidence to really take the leap. So I went back to my regular day job and life continued.

Then I was approached by Ash, the owner of The Brow Loft, in 2017. At the time she was working for a salon in town but was starting to lay the groundwork for The Brow Loft. She needed a logo and design collateral (business cards, gift cards, signage, etc.) and wanted to work with me. She had seen the work I did with the Land Haus so she reached out. I was a bit surprised to be honest, but was excited by the opportunity so I agreed to do some work with her and it didn’t take long before we had a beautiful logo and the beginning of her brand identity.

Once The Brow Loft project wrapped up, I still didn’t think I had what it took to make the freelance thing a go. It truly wasn’t until that weekend away when I started reflecting on what I wanted to be doing. I thought back to conversations I’d had with my besties about what our dream jobs would be. My first instinct was to be running my own graphic design business and eventually start blogging. To which my friends replied, “well, why aren’t you doing that? You have the talent for it.” However at that time, I still didn’t have the confidence to make it happen. I thought about how much fun I had working on the Land Haus & The Brow Loft projects and all the other ways I always tried to incorporate design in my jobs. I started to realize that I actually had a lot of experience and I needed to quit selling myself short. I started believing in myself and my abilities and eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn’t going to hurt anyone or anything to just try.

So I came back feeling motivated but unsure of where to start. Around that same time Ash reached out again and informed me that people had been asking her about her logo and told me that I needed to get some business cards so she could start handing them out to everyone who was asking. Well that seemed like a good place to start. I needed a logo and a business card.

But let me tell you, being a designer and designing something for yourself is sooooo hard! I didn’t know where to start, I had so many ideas it was hard to narrow it down to just one. I really began to overthink everything plus I felt rushed. However, after playing around with a few different ideas I settled on one and created a logo, colour palette and business card for myself. I bought a domain, started working on my website and created some important documents that aligned with the style I created for myself.

Sounds pretty good right?

Well it was…. Sort of….

The problem was that it never truly felt like me. It felt like the me I thought people would want to see, instead of the real, raw authentic me. It lacked the most important piece - my personality. I think that’s why I never got around to finishing my website - it just never felt right. I was trying to fit a mold that I was never meant to be in. But I ran with it for over a year because I didn’t have the time to change it. You see once I started putting myself out there, believing in myself and completing projects, my confidence began to grow. The more it grew, the more clients I attracted. When I first decided to start this thing, my goal was to get 5 clients in my first year. Yes, that is a small number, but I wanted to start small and test the waters before really going all in, ya know?!

Anyways, I ended up crushing that goal and took on over 20 clients in my first year!!

But just as things were really starting to come together and momentum was building, I found out I was pregnant again. Which was exciting and also a little upsetting. It’s hard admitting that, but in that moment, I couldn’t help but feel a little upset because I was finally doing something for myself. I had made plans. My business was doing great, I was booked until the end of the fall, I had planned to go back to school (deposit was already paid), and then all of that got put on a hold in an instant.

Then just as I was getting used to the idea that we were going to have a 3 year old, a 1 year old and a new baby in the house, we found out we were having twins. TWINS! Talk about an emotional roller coaster!

Since we had the girls in December, things have been wild to say the least but I also have experienced a type of clarity about myself I’ve never had before. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I was living in a fog before, always trying to figure out who I was or maybe who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. Pride stood in my way a lot of the time. I would get swept up in thinking I needed to portray a perfect image of myself to the outside world, but could never get there, so I wouldn’t try.

But then I gave birth to these two amazing little girls and everything changed. The veil lifted and on the other side there it was. The answer I didn’t know I was looking for. I was a Mom and a Designer.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Weren’t you both these things before you had the twins?”

The answer, obviously, is Yes!

However, I felt that when it came to building my brand I needed to keep my mom life separate from my business life. There was always a divide, mixed emotions and a sense of self doubt that people wouldn’t embrace all of me.

But once I had the twins, all of that stuff started to melt away. For the first time in my life, I felt a sense of completeness. It was like everything was exactly as it was meant to be. All of my clients were and are extremely understanding (thank you again btw!) and I learned that being a Mom isn’t something that should make me feel divided but rather bind things together. And truthfully, being a Mom is the most important piece of me. So instead of choosing one or the other, it was clear that I needed to embrace both sides, equally.

Once I did that, the creative juices started to flow and I knew before I started taking on any new clients I would need to take some time to rebrand. If I was going to go through the motions of helping others create a strong brand for their business, it only made sense that I should do the same for me.

So I went back to the drawing board and took myself through the same process, I put my clients through. It became very clear that this new brand would need to incorporate all aspects of my life. So I pulled inspiration from my kids, colours that felt warm, welcoming with a touch of femininity. I created design elements that are a bit messy, imperfect and yet still all work together to create something beautiful. I poured my soul into this to make sure it was authentic, raw and real and I’m so excited to finally launch it and share it with all of you.

I couldn’t be happier with how it’s all turned out, and it came together quicker than I could have imagined. Probably because this time, it truly encompasses what I’m all about.

I hope you like it and I really hope you’ll follow along as I embark on this exciting chapter of my life. I’m continually learning to be vulnerable as I share my story of raising 4 kids and running a business. It’s not always pretty but it’s me!